Image kindly provided by Richard Adams
After a loss...
Arranging a funeral
Organising a funeral
Sooner or later, each one of us will die. Our own funeral will be the last occasion at which we will be physically present and when our relatives and friends will say their final ‘Farewell’ to us. Whether we are facing our own death or of that of someone we love or respect, the funeral is a special occasion and needs to be organised with care.
Below you will find some useful notes to help you organise a funeral. Please also see our detailed guide kindly provided Rev Dr Peter Jupp .
The purpose of a funeral
The funeral has five main purposes:
(1) to dispose of a dead body in a way that shows respect for the person who has died;
(2) to address the facts of the particular death and the loss it has caused;
(3) to commemorate, with words and music, the life of the person who has died, giving thanks for their achievements, their character and their experiences.
(4) to symbolise the transition of the person who has died to a life beyond, according to their religious beliefs, or to symbolise the ending of a life for one who had no belief in life after death;
(5) to help the bereaved to come to terms with their loss and prepare for a future without the one they loved.
Arranging for the funeral
Most people seek the help of a funeral director. You do not have to wait until you have registered the death before you contact the funeral home. The funeral director will take care of all the practical arrangements for the funeral, from arranging the transfer of the body from the hospital to the funeral home or to your own home if you prefer. There, if you wish, relatives and friends may be invited to pay their respects to the deceased.
You do not have to use a funeral director, nor a minister of religion, nor to have a formal service in a crematorium or place of worship, if that is your preference. (For Civil Celebrant and Humanist funerals, see below.)
The option of a ‘direct cremation’ has become more attractive recently because of the Covid -19 restrictions. It is also less expensive than a normal funeral. If you would prefer not to accompany the coffin to the crematorium and want to dispense with any ceremony there, you may ask your funeral director to take the coffin directly to the crematorium. The cremation will take place at a time of the crematorium’s choice but you will be informed when the cremation will take place so that you may, if you wish, mark the moment wherever you are. The ashes can be returned to you if you wish to bury or scatter them elsewhere. Otherwise they will be scattered at the crematorium. You can organise hospitality for friends and relatives at a time of your choosing, subject to complying with current Covid legislation and guidance.
You may prefer a DIY funeral. These are uncommon but, again, less expensive than a normal funeral. In addition to the normal paperwork (as above), you (or the person responsible for arranging the funeral) will need to contact the hospital or care home to arrange to collect the body and have it driven home. You will need to buy a suitable coffin and look after it until the funeral. You will need to contact your chosen burial ground or crematorium and, if you wish, arrange for a minister or celebrant. More information can be found from the Natural Death Centre (details below).
Funeral choices and decisions
Several types of funeral are now available. Formerly, nearly all funerals were religious ceremonies. You can choose, for example, between religious or non-religious funerals, a ‘green’ or woodland burial and a ‘direct’ cremation. Today, more than three-quarters of families ask for the ashes to be collected from the crematorium and buried or scattered at a place of their own choosing, on a separate occasion, in formal or informal ceremonies. Some people may wish to be buried beside or near a predeceased spouse, partner or other relation.
If you have a connection with a church or any other religious organisation, ask what services and facilities can be offered by your clergy. The funeral director will be ready to discuss all the choices with you and help you to make decisions. It is likely that both clergy and funeral directors will be willing to visit you at home.
The funeral is not only for the person who has died but for the survivors, so family preferences may need to be taken into account in the decisions you make. Often, the person who has died will have provided some wishes before their death: as to burial or cremation, which church, churchyard, cemetery or crematorium, which friends should take part or give a tribute, what selection of music and readings, the final resting place for their ashes. These wishes may have been set down formally in a will or in ‘a declaration of wishes’, so these need to be checked first. Note that you can leave a request about the funeral in your will but it is not binding on the executors and there may be a problem if no-one looks at the will before the funeral.
The major choices are
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A burial or cremation?
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Which church, crematorium or burial ground?
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Whom do you wish to lead the ceremony, and whom would you invite to take part?
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Which hymns, songs and instrumental music?
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What is to be done with the ashes?
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Is there to be a memorial service at another time to enable people who were unable to attend the funeral to take part?
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At the crematorium, would you like to book ‘a double slot’ (for an additional fee), giving you more time for the ceremony and avoid overlapping with previous or following funeral parties?
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Should the coffin be placed on the catafalque before the mourners enter or after the congregation has assembled inside the chapel?
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Would you prefer the curtains to close after the words of committal have been spoken by the minister/celebrant, or kept open until all have left the chapel?
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At a churchyard, burial ground or cemetery, decisions to be made willi include:
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Choosing the location for the grave (this will be subject to local conditions or the advice of the clergy or cemetery manager).
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Deciding whether flowers are to be distributed for mourners to place in the grave.
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Deciding whether and what sort of memorial you would like to choose.
Funeral costs
You might wish to go on-line to compare the costs between different funeral and crematoria. A number of online comparison websites exist. you should feel free to discuss costs with your funeral director. When you have made your decisions, ask for a written estimate. Note that the written estimate will have two parts: (1) the funeral director’s professional fees and (2) the disbursements.
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the funeral director’s professional fees. These normally include the use of the hearse and limousines, the cost of the selected coffin, the care and preparation of the body, attendance of bearers and all the preparations necessary for the funeral service.
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the disbursements. These will always include the items paid by the funeral director to others on your behalf: the fee for the cremation medical certificate, a minister or celebrant’s fee; the cemetery, churchyard or crematorium fee. Other, optional, items may include flowers, newspaper notices, catering, the printing of orders of service and of acknowledgement cards. Funeral directors may ask for payment of the disbursements in advance of the funeral.
If you receive State benefits, such as Housing or Council Tax benefit, you may be eligible for a funeral payment from the Government’s Social Fund to help payment towards the funeral. This will contribute towards the costs of a simple but respectful, low-cost funeral, but there will always be a shortfall between the total cost of the funeral and how much the DWP will pay. A claims form (SF200) must be completed within 3 months of the person’s death and can be obtained online at www.gov.uk or from your local Citizens Advice.
If the person who has died was under state pension age, you may qualify for the Bereavement Support Payment. This is a tax-free payment of £2,500 or £3,500 depending on whether there are children. To be eligible, the person who has died must have been the husband, wife or civil partner of the applicant and must have paid enough National Insurance contributions whilst they were working. You can check your eligibility by visiting www.gov.uk, by visiting your local Jobcentre Plus or by calling the Bereavement Service on 0845 606 0265.
Useful Contacts
The Coroner
HM Coroner for Rutland and North Leicestershire
HM Coroner’s Office, Southfield Road, Loughborough, Leicestershire LE11 2TR
Tel 0116 305 7732
Co-operative Funeralcare,
60, High Street, Oakham LE15 6AS
01572 757415
E. M. Dorman,
Beechcroft, 69 High Street East, Uppingham LE15 9PY
01572 823976
Fords of Oakham,
10 Church Street, Oakham LE15 6AS
0572 757654
IN CORBY
Co-operative Funeralcare,
1, Darley Dale Road, Corby NN17 2DE
01536 203076
Co-operative Funeralcare,
15, New Post Office Square, Corby NN17 1PB
01536 261997
H. J. Phillips (Dignity PLC)
Old Cemetery Chapel, Rockingham Road, Corby NN17 2AD
01536 200266
Margaret Rose Funerals
43a, High Street, Corby NN17 1UU
01536 203045
Co-operative Funeralcare
33, Scalford Road, Melton Mowbray, LE13 1JY
01664 481201
Melton & The Vale Independent Funeral Directors
44, Mill Street, Melton Mowbray LE13 1AY
01664 851216
Shane Mousley & Son Ltd.
34, Cranmere Road, Melton Mowbray LE13 1TB
01664 561400
Andrew Woodhouse Independent Funeral Director
Sandon Barn, Casterton Road, Stamford PE9 4BP
01780 751719
R. J. Scholes Funeralcare
St George’s Street, Stamford, Lincs PE9 2BJ
01780 763092
Humanist UK
For advice on secular funerals
Humanists UK, 39 Moreland Street, Clerkenwell, London EC1V 8BB
020 7324 3060
The Insitute of Civil Funerals
For advice on funerals purely led by the wishes of the family
Lytchett House, 13, Freeland Park, Wareham Road, Poole, Dorset BH16 6FA
01480-861411 admin@iocf.org.
The Natural Death Centre
For advice on DIY funerals and green funerals
The Hill House, Watley Lane, Twyford, Winchester S021 1QX
01962 712690
National Association of Funeral Directors
a national organisation which provides a list of local funeral directors
https://nafd.org.uk/funeral-advice/find-a-member/
SAIF: Independent funeral directors
a national organisation which provides a list of local funeral directors
Ketton green burial
green burial site
01780 460000
Kettering Crematorium
https://www.kettering.gov.uk/info/20020/crematorium
01536 525722
Peterborough Crematorium
https://www.peterborough.gov.uk/residents/births-deaths-and-ceremonies/cremations
01733 262639
Great Glen crematorium
https://www.greatglencrem.co.uk/
0116 259 1101